the story

this is the truth, and nothing but the truth as I remember it...

It was probably 1989 or 1990, and I was probably 7, 8 or 9 years old. My family lived in a little bungalow behind my dad's parents and siblings.

My mom's youngest sister brought her baby and her baby daddy/the uncle from the Philippines to Los Angeles. My maternal grandmother was living with us, and my aunt wanted to be closer to her. My parents helped them move into the apartment right next door to us, with a balcony that overlooked the yard between the two houses.

One day, I was playing with one of my childhood friends. The uncle was watching over us. I don't really remember where my parents went, but they weren't home.

At some point, my friend and I went inside. At some point, the uncle asked me to lay down with him on the sofa bed. I thought nothing of it. My uncle was generally a funny guy and treated us all very well. I thought perhaps we were just hanging out. All I remember of my friend was that he was playing with some toys at our dining table.

The rest of the details are pretty blurry. I remember going under the blanket with the uncle. I remember him kissing me, on my face and neck. I remember him getting on top of me. I didn't really understand it, though I thought it was just something that adults would do with people they love. I don't remember if he exposed any skin that wasn't already exposed, but I know I wasn't naked.

At some point, I remember a sudden shuffling around and the uncle getting up. My parents car was pulling into the driveway. I went to the dining table to continue playing with my friend. I think that was my first inclination that what he did was wrong.

It was over just like that.

At some point, on some other day, my uncle pulled me aside and told me not to say anything about what happened between us, that it was just our thing.

I don't really know what my reasoning was to stay quiet. I didn't feel hurt or in pain. I thought it was somewhat harmless since he was family.

For years I stayed silent. As the years past, I I started believing that perhaps it was all a dream.

When I was 13, I started dating my first boyfriend. My family and I were attending my eldest cousin's wedding in Chicago. At some point, we were doing some shopping. The uncle and I stayed in the shoe section while my mom and some of her siblings went off to shop. Somehow, the uncle decided that this was an appropriate time to start opening up to me about all kinds of things.

He mentioned that it was weird that my cousin was getting married, since he tried to date her when she was still in the Philippines (the uncle is about 10 years younger than my aunt/my mom's youngest sister). He also told me that if he had it his way, he would have dated my mom instead of my aunt. He had a huge "crush" on my mom. I thought this was a major revelation. Why he thought it was appropriate to open up to a 13 year old - I'm not sure...but clearly, his judgment has been off for a while.

The night after the wedding, a couple of my relatives and I were chilling in the living room. My family and I were flying back to LA the next morning, but we were all still having a good time together. At some point, we knew that we needed to get to sleep. It was getting late. I decided to stay in the living room on the sofa bed. The uncle decided to stay there as well.

As the lights went down, he started chatting with me some more. He was drunk. He started asking about my boyfriend, if we had kissed already. I told him we had. He asked if he was a good kisser. I told him that I wouldn't know since he was my first boyfriend and the only guy I kissed. The uncle said, "You let me kiss you. Is he better than me?" Suddenly, my hands curled into little fists. I was exhausted, but I was suddenly wide awake. I could feel this heat overcoming me. I realized that there was someone else sleeping on another couch - they were snoring, so I knew they couldn't hear what was happening a few feet away. I growled, "If you dare touch me, I swear to god I will scream so loud the whole neighborhood will hear me." He backed off, "Okay, okay...I was just kidding." I was so scared to sleep. I didn't want him to take advantage of the situation. I think I tried to stay up as long as I could. It was probably the lightest sleep I had had at that point in my life. I remember waking up and feeling as though I hadn't slept at all.

It was then...a confirmation that what happened to me wasn't a dream. Though I thought about it occasionally, I passed it off as some random unreal thing. But after this, I knew. I knew that the uncle had molested me.