Thank Goodness for My Parents

It was in college. Perhaps sometime during my senior year.

I had participated in Take Back the Night for all the previous years in school, and it really helped me build up the courage to tell my parents.  If I was able to speak about my experience to hundreds of strangers, I should be able to talk to my own parents, right?  Well...it took me a long time.

I wanted to participate in Take Back the Night one last time with an update about my progress...not for the listeners...but for me...

I thought a lot about the implications.  What does this mean to my family?  How will my parents react?  What will happen to my younger cousins, the sons of the uncle?

I had no idea.

There is no perfect situation.  I just had to build up the courage, and just start the sentence.

I told my parents while my dad was driving.  They were visiting me in Northern California, and we just dropped off my then-boyfriend back at his dorm.  I was going to stay the night with them at a hotel in Oakland or San Francisco...I don't remember where it was exactly.

At first I thought, perhaps I should wait until we're not driving?  I don't want my dad to swerve in anger.  But, when I finally let it all out, I think they were in a state of shock.

I don't remember much about the conversation.  My parents had a lot of questions.  At some point at the hotel, my dad expressed how angry he was.  They suggested that I speak with a counselor at school.  But, more than anything, I think they needed to really think about the whole situation....similar to the things I had to think about. 

What does this mean to the family?  Have others in our family been affected as well?  What will happen to my younger cousins, the sons of the uncle?

But, for me, I was glad to have that burden of carrying it around off my chest.  My parents were now able to share in my emotions and support me.

Though...they also needed support of their own.
My dad sought it out among his co-workers - nurses, social workers, etc.
My mom....well...I'm not sure...I know she relies on my dad's support.

It felt great to be open with them. 

But this was the just beginning of opening up to the family.

meeting a mirror of my soul

When I started high school, I had no idea that I was going to meet my soul mate.

We both were on a waiting list to attend the school.  I had already started some classes at a different high school, and was pretty miserable.  But my parents fought for me to get into that school.

Finally, I had a chance to take a placement test.  I remember walking into the building, and being led to my seat.  I remember the dividers.  I remember being focused, but aware of the others around me.

It wasn't until a bit later that I realized that my future best friend was sitting right next to me.

Apparently, she thought that I seemed really stuck up!  Hahahahaha...it's hilarious!

So, not only did she end up sitting next to me that fateful test day.  She and I shared a homeroom for all those years.  After my family and I moved to our first house, we shared the same school bus for the rest of our time in high school.  We both have 1 brother, both with the same first name.  We were both foreign-born in the capital cities of our respective countries.  Our names are even similar to each other, and our nicknames became synonymous with each other.  I wouldn't be surprised if we were somehow related in our past lives.

These are things I didn't learn until after late October of our freshman year.  We sat in different circles during lunch time, with friends from our previous schools.  One day, she was in crisis.  It's a long story, and I'm not planning to share her story here.  But the gist was that her and her family were in trouble.  I tried to help her as much as I could that day, walking with her to our guidance counselor's office.  Unfortunately, her and I shared a similar history.

We've helped to support each other through many trying times...boyfriends, family, health, sanity...

Thirteen years later, her and I are still best friends.  I'm in Boston, she's in New York.  Though our lives are very different, it's as though nothing has changed when we meet up.  I have no doubt that we will be in each others lives til the end...and maybe even beyond.